You got scammed. Really good. Really, really good. Uh I got scammed.

It's not an M car. Well, it was an M car. but now it is no longer thanks to some idiot. Welcome to Hoopie's Garage the dumb Automotive channel in all of YouTube and that's about as high as I'm kicking nowadays.

I'm recovering nicely from my uh, life-changing surgery last week, the vasectomy, a lot of frozen peas and things. Thank you so much for the well wishes, but I'm doing fine. Unfortunately though, this BMW X6m, which is the worst BMW M car ever made has also given me another swift kick in the you know where the Carnage has told me to come and see something that is really really bad. which I mean the whole car of course is really really bad I Bought it at auction saying it had a check engine light with issues over six hundred dollars.

That was it for the disclosures. it arrived barely running. In addition, the suspension was completely collapsed. This thing was a total turd from basically new, but now it's mechanically completely Fallen apart.

And then we discovered later that despite this thing only having 70 000 miles on it, the engine had been replaced. So I don't see what could be possibly worse ninja. But before we get bad news from the ninja, I've always wondered what a weekly fantasy platform would look like that it lets you bet on the hoopty. Fleet Obviously, a matchup between me and The Wizard would be an ongoing series of me losing, but what if you can guess more or less on just about any estimate that's given to me and that would make things a lot more interesting for the viewers.

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Okay I got some news that is going to hurt even more. Okay, well it looks like you've put everything back together. ish I mean it doesn't look. it looks stockish.

I mean well uh, it's just been put together so I can drive it in and out because I came to a stopping point. So I order the parts the flange for the for the turbo lines. new turbo lines because there's a massive oil leak in the V of the engine. Yeah, somehow they would not fit.

Um and then I looked on the side of the block. yeah and to confirm I even called BMW with a serial number and it says n63 N is is not M it's not an M so like the S63 would be the BMW M Power V8 So somebody somebody took the blown motor out of this car. Yeah yeah, didn't want to pay the twenty two thousand dollars to swap it in and they put in just a normally just so they can dump it at the auction and but they didn't even get it to run. well you got scammed.

Really good. Really really good. Uh so and instead of 550 horsepower or I have about 400 is that what the well? The way it's running right now you have like two and a half donkeys so it's still running like crap. Well I just put it back together I did not even finish anything because I did not know what you want to do with it I just made it drivable.

Okay, pretty much so it's still misfiring really badly. Yes and I haven't even tackled that. but the oil leak is fixed. Okay, at least we'll not leave a stain on mine.

Yay floor! So it's up to you I want you to let you think about see what you want to do. But so this X6m is not an M anymore. This is the very first BMW that started life as an M car and is now no longer one. We should remove the badge in the back.

Yeah, you beat me to it. I Think you know so many people put M badges on fake M cars. this car is no longer an M car. So yeah, that needs to go.

Let me get them. Is there any positive out this? Is the N63 more reliable than the S? No. I rather have the S The good thing about this engine is that it's not smoking from the tailpipe, so that's that's a huge Plus but what could be causing the misfire? I could be a spark plug. could be a fuel injector.

Could be low compression. Um, compression would be bad. That would be bad. Yes.

all right. Why I put a stop in it until you're gonna think about it. You know what you want to do. Yeah, well first of all we have to do that because I got scammed.

It's not an M car. Well it was an M car but now it is no longer thanks to some idiot swapping the engine. So can I take it for a spin I Guess well you can. It's not going to make you want this thing, but okay, that roof line I managed to find the worst BMW How do I keep finding these things? This is by far by far the worst ever.

I Feel like I've achieved some I feel like I've achieved something Peak Stupidity. All right out we go. So this car when it was new, was absolutely hideous and in practice. Oh oh I forgot about the suspension being messed up.

Oh, that is bad bouncing there. Um yeah, it was absolutely hideous. Not practical. Oh yeah, it's it's running just oh God it's running just as badly as before.

So this car was terrible when it was new just in Practical ugly. But it had decent performance. It was a fun to drive very fast sport activity vehicle. but now 10 years later, 70 000 miles it's absolutely completely ruined cosmetically and now somebody scammed me and swapped in.

Uh, the Lesser non-m motor in this car. 400 horsepower or well, like ninja said, donkey power I'm flooring it right now. It's not going anywhere foot to the floor, stuck at 38 miles per hour. So what do I do with this thing? It's not an X6m, it's not an X6 5.0 I Guess it's the M sport that was never made.

or maybe it was. Either way, it is completely worthless. Nobody's going to want to buy this car every dollar. I spend is a dollar wasted.

Oh I don't know. Maybe it's something simple to fix. Like ninja said, it could be a coil. It could be a plug, it could be an injector, or it could be a bad motor.

So I guess I'll have him dig into it. Let's see. this is the biggest mistake I've made in quite a long time and there's been there's been a lot of mistakes. Wow.

Oh so this is turning into a fun day of fail. I'm back in my garage which I won't have for very much longer trying to move the cars out slowly so I can move the lift over to the hanger. and well, the Aston Martin has decided to sort itself in the stone. We'll get to that in a little bit, but let's talk BMWs again because my history of BMWs have all been terrible.

especially if they're after. uh, well. the 2001 era starting with the Bangle Butt I mean you start with that 745 I had with the Car Wizard. There was no winning there, but we actually did get through it.

About the dumbest valve cover gasket ever. this is 60 years ago or so. sorted it out as much as possible and then sold it I've seen it on the side of the road a few times and I think it's been junked since it's had probably five or six hundred cents. Me because it keeps ruining people.

And then the BMW M5 popped up. The wizard got mad at that and that's how I Met the Car Ninja to work on only BMWs that's how he makes his living. And then there was the dream team with the horrible X546is. Everything else you know was designed earlier so it wasn't that bad.

but that BMW x546is was absolutely awful. Same with the BMW 645. You see the theme here. It's not just me buying terrible examples.

These cars have massive massive engineering flaws and the consequences for BMW have been. well, nothing. I mean 20 years ago they're having issues with timing chain failures. 25 years ago they're having issues with cooling system being plastic and brittle and breaking and you'd think they will want to.

Beef It Up When Mercedes makes a mistake. They kind of overcompensate for it. They fix it. a new problem pops up.

They fix it, but BMW it's like they don't even care. and since they're not losing any sales, they haven't lost their market share. I Guess there's no reason for them to care. So now, timing chain issues are a huge problem across so many BMW engines, even the base model engines.

The little four-cylinders with their little bitty timing chains are having timing chain issues. The guide issue Also, the cooling system still total junk don't age very well. That's why The Car Ninja is so busy all the time making a ton of money. Because these cars at 10 years old, they are literally not worth owning.

They are absolute nightmares and I just don't understand why anybody messes with them and why people continue to buy BMWs when they age so so terribly. But obviously it's not just BMWs there's land. Rovers uh I have similar issues and I'm dealing with that. Selling my Range Rover to the junkyard, uh, Britishness.

So let's get to the Vanquish here. this beautiful 2003 Aston Martin Vanquish that has been on the top lift so it's kind of my fault for around six months now. This is the card Trek Vanquish that Ed had in card trick for but also Freddie owned it for about a year and then sold it to me. I've had it up on the lift with a battery tender on it and I'm in a bad way because I need to get this car moved off the lift and uh, it has this automated manual gearbox similar to a Ferrari When you open the door the pump the F1 pump or whatever they call it for Aston Martin makes that noise but then you hear that it starts to get sick.

I Don't know if that's the pump going bad or there's air pressure in the system or something, but what that means is this thing doesn't go into neutral I put it up on the lift in first gear. you need it to be in neutral for it to start. You hit both paddles at the same time. It won't do it.

Instead, it just gives you a lovely gearbox fault and won't go into neutral. The pump runs all the time, not building enough pressure to actuate. Can't start it. So this thing is stuck on here and it's going to be very interesting to get off because it is in first gear so the rear wheels won't move.

I Don't think I can just put it in neutral with some little secret sneaky way it's in gear. so I don't know what to do I don't know if I can get a jack under there and some rollers, but with the scaffolding, it's going to be very tough to move out with a flatbed. so another mess to deal with. One more thing, but you know life's still good.

Thank you so much for watching.